If You're A Criminal, You're Not As Smart As You Think You Are

During this lockdown, I have spent a lot of time watching crime shows on TV. The criminals seem to make a lot of silly mistakes, so I will offer some tips.

  1. The police can track your cell phone. If you tell them you were out of town when the murder was committed, they will know you are lying because your cell phone will be connecting to the tower 100 yards from the victim's home.
  2. There are surveillance cameras everywhere. If your boyfriend is killed with an axe, the police will be able to check the surveillance cameras at the Home Depot checkout and they will see you buying the axe the day before the murder.
  3. Self defense is only a valid defense if you were actually in danger. If you shoot someone in the back who was 20 ft away, if you shoot someone who was sleeping, if you stab someone 90 times , the police will not consider that to be self defense.
  4. Your neighbors will rat you out. When you give the police a phony timeline to try to establish an alibi, your neighbors will expose your lies. The police will access their Ring doorbell cameras and see your car in the driveway when you have told them you weren't there.
  5. Your accomplices can't be trusted. Whoever helped you commit the crime will turn on you in an instant if it will help them get out of a traffic ticket or any other petty crime.
  6. Texting will get you in trouble. If you text the hit man and ask "Is he dead yet" the police will see that text. Even if you delete it, they will retrieve it and you won't be able to come up with an innocent reason for texting it.

The best tip I can give you is that the police and F.B.I agents are smarter than you. It's best to concentrate on making an honest living.


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