Arguing with your partner is bad enough, but it’s even worse when we escalate things in the heat of the moment. You might not even realize you’re doing it, but psychotherapist Dr. Daryl Appleton says there are some common mistakes a lot of us make that take the fight to the next level.
These are the things she warns can intensify disagreements with your significant other:
- Arguing about more than one thing at a time - The old bringing up past fights and piling on all the things we’re angry about into one fight. We’ve all done it, and it definitely doesn’t help, so try to keep the focus on the issue at hand.
- Blaming language - It’s really no surprise throwing around phrases like “You never listen” or “You always do that” makes things worse. So try to stick with language that emphasizes how you feel.
- Avoiding eye contact - All this does is show your partner that you’re not open to a conversation.
- Being too critical - Telling your partner what’s bothering you doesn’t need to turn into a harsh verbal attack. Dr. Appleton recommends what she calls “the confrontation sandwich.” Start by reminding them why you love them, then tell them what’s troubling you, followed by telling them how much you care about working it out.
- Feeling tired or hungry - You’re not at your best when you’re sleep-deprived or hangry, so having an argument when you’re in that headspace isn’t good for anyone involved.
- Continuing to fight - If your disagreement devolves into a screaming match, it’s time to take a beat. When you know it’s not going to be a healthy or productive conversation, walking away temporarily is probably the best move. Dr. Appleton says she tells her clients to revisit the issue within 24 hours so it doesn’t just get swept under the rug.
Read the full article at NY Post