Some kids are angels, and others are…well, jerks. The good news is that there are ways to dial back the jerkiness; here are five red flags that you’re raising a jerk and some ways to deal with each one:
They’re past kindergarten and are still a jerk – Children younger than five or so may act like jerks, but it’s mostly normal developmental behaviors like testing you as the parent or irrational freak-outs. Yes, at that age those are normal things. If your child is in kindergarten or younger, it’s just part of the process.
- A lack of empathy – When you tell your child that they’ve hurt you or a sibling and they don’t seem to care, that could be a sign of a problem in older children, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to wind up on the evening news. Some kids have what’s called callous-unemotional traits and don't easily register facial expressions, body language, or words that people use to show pain or sadness. Try talking about emotions as they come up, and think about coaching…it can help them learn to respond to others more appropriately.
- They fight you on EVERYTHING – Other generations might have said your child “has spunk,” but a combative kid is a sign of inflexibility. If they don’t accept that life is "give and take" as a child, they won’t be able to as an adult. What to do about it? Don’t give them control, and praise them when they do as they’re asked. Stay calm, and don’t make suggestions, give commands.
- Their friends are jerks – The expression “birds of a feather flock together” has some truth in it. If your child’s friend group keeps winding up on the wrong side of teachers, principals, or the law, it’s a problem. Several studies show that friendships take strong interpersonal skills, the biggest being empathy. Have your child tell you what a “good friend” looks like, and then compare that description to their current friends.
- They’re selfish – Young children are at least a little selfish; until age six, research shows that kids aren’t really capable of generosity. Older than that and selfishness is a problem. You can change their outlook by showing and telling your child that being selfless is important to your family, and brag on them when you see them being selfless. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for any parent.
Read the article at Scary Mommy