Making friends as a grown-up can be challenging, especially friends that add joy to your life and always have your back. But sometimes friendships take a turn toward the toxic and come with thoughtless or hurtful behavior. It can be tough to know when to throw in the towel on a friendship, but if you’re wondering if the bad outweighs the good, these red flags will help you decide if it’s time to break up with a bestie.
- You dread their calls and texts - It’s an obvious sign, but it can be tough to admit … even to yourself. But if hearing from your pal leaves you with hurt feelings and stress instead of feeling loved and valued, why bother?
- You’re locked in a competition against your will - Psychologist and friendship expert Marisa G Franco says a green flag for friendship is that you’re “rooting for each other to succeed.” So if your so-called friend tries to rain on your parade when you share your good news, like a promotion or getting engaged, it could be that they’re jealous and that’s not a good sign.
- You’ve become their human dumping ground - We all need to vent sometimes, but if it’s all one-sided with your friend unloading all their negativity on you all the time, Franco says it’s more dependency, not friendship.
- You feel judged, ridiculed or bombarded with unsolicited opinions - We don’t always have the same values as our friends, but if your friend doesn’t get that there are opinions beyond their own, it’s tough for you to share yours.
- They’re drama magnets - Every time you talk to her, it’s a new story about a co-worker who hates her, another huge fight with her husband or some crazy situation with her family … and who has the energy for that?
- They constantly flake - We get it, things come up and plans need to be canceled, but it’s tough to invest in a friendship when they’re always blowing you off.
- When the chips are down, they’re not around - If you always show up for your friend, but they’re nowhere to be found when you really need their support it’s not just disappointing, it’s hurtful. Franco says it feels like a betrayal and if you don’t feel valued by them, “the friendship is effectively destroyed.”
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